Expect It
I know a woman who’s mother told her, “If you ever hit a man, expect to be hit back.”
It bothered me when she said it and it’s bugging me again this morning.
Why is the advice “man” specific? Wouldn’t it make as much sense to say, “If you ever hit someone, expect to be hit back”?
And why did the mother feel the need to tell her daughter this? Is this her experience? Is she a hitter? Did her lover hit her? Did she initiate an attack or defend herself from one? Where does this wisdom come from?
The woman who said this must be from the same generation as my mother; did she receive this advice from her mother? How long has this advice travelled down the family lines? How long has this family said this to one another? How long have the women of this family known about or experienced violence?
And then I think, What a Load of Shit.
Doesn’t society tell men that they’re womens’ protectors? Aren’t they expected to open doors for us, carry heavy things, defer to their mother’s “better” judgment? And don’t our abusers present this face to the world? Doesn’t an abuser feel most threatened when his “other” face is exposed?
Is society wrong or is the advice wrong? I’m more inclined to believe that society expects men to adhere to qualities that aren’t in their nature. If our culture has drilled these behaviors into men, then there has to be a reason for it. You don’t TELL someone how to behave if they are already doing what you think is right – there’s no need to do so.
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