My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Verbal Abuse: A Transformative Experience

This is an email I sent to him today. I wasn’t going to send it, but after rereading it, I thought it would be good to post…so, if I’m going to post it publicly, then it was only fair to send it to him first. I’m responding to an email and phone conversation we’ve recently had. It’s not pretty. The military JUST NOW sent word down the pipe that we were having “problems” in the form of physical abuse. It’s amazing. One instance of physical abuse and we’re celebrities. 17 years of verbal abuse and there’s nothing done to help. That’s the military for you.

Here’s the email: Continue reading

The dangers of living in an abusive situation mess with my mind. On the one hand, I know that abusers can and will escalate abuse when they feel as if they’re losing control. All the literature warns of it. More personally, I can now clearly see my husband escalating the abuse when he feels that he’s losing control.

I guess I cannot be certain he “feels that he’s losing control.” I only assume to know because of what he tells me during the nice times. He’s told me how good he felt about putting a co-worker in her place, how well he did it, how there will be no retribution because he didn’t do anything “wrong.” The whole time knowing he did do something wrong by that person, but not caring because it worked out well for him and sent her into a high-pitched tailspin.

On the other hand, it is painful and hard for me to remember that he would, could and has hurt me physically – but it’s happened three times now. Nothing that will create a bruise where it will show. Something that he can deny to himself, to me, to anyone. Something that ultimately will be blamed on me. Continue reading

Howdy, Pap! I love you! I miss you.

(And just for the record, he has absolutely no connection to my verbal abuse history.)

my dad holding my oldest son