Haunted by a Memory
April 1, 2001
I was haunted by a memory from the past last night - the "big failure" and all that went with it. I mean, letting Marc down with my irresponsibility when he was three and Will was in Cuba. I partied a LOT - too much for a mom.
That six months is very hard for me to think of, even though I asked God for forgiveness. It is hard to let it go. Courage to Change says, "Awareness. Acceptance. Action." I am having trouble with the acceptance. I think the best remedy is to pray about it again and try to move on.
If I forgive Will for those times, maybe God can forgive me.
Oddly enough, I think these feelings relate to sex in some way. Right now, I can't get enough of it. I think I am seeking comfort in all this chaos of Army planning and such, but I also think I use sex to validate myself. Still.
Okay. Sex is fun, too. Maybe it's good to crave Will.
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