What happened that made you decide to leave?
MANY things. We knew each other since 2008, but we were off & on dating for 2 years until June 15, 2010. I was over at my friends house & he had happened to stop by. I knew he was dating a new girl, & he really didn’t treat her well from what I heard.
He came over trying to get me back, so he stayed the night over there & we talked things out saying we wanted to get back together & be in a serious relationship. I thought about it & I said yes.
In the first few months, everything was great. He was very sweet & nice. He bought me anything I wanted & would surprise me with nice gifts. Then a few months later around January, he met a man named KO & ever since then it was a nightmare. He got addicted to crystal meth & ruined our relationship, the relationship with his family, his life, his job. Everything. It was so sad.
He started acting super different, of course I knew why. But he would try to hide it from me, call me from private numbers & wouldn’t tell me where he was, sometimes he wouldn’t even call. He’d leave me hanging & I would cry all night wondering where he was at. The worst thing is he started accusing me of cheating because he was in the wrong. I never understood why he said I cheated because I would call his phone probably at least 90 times a day to try to get a hold of him but they wouldnt answer, it would be off or Someone would say he wasnt there.
All I wanted was him at home with me, safe. He told me I was the reason he started doing crystal meth because I stressed him out worrying about me all the time. I was so young, I honestly didn’t know what to do or think. I was so depressed it was happening to me. I didn’t want to live like that after a year & 2 months of that going on, so I left him in August 2011. I knew I was better than that.
I knew I was being abused because I started becoming an abuser. He would say mean things to me & yell at me & we would fight, I would end up hitting him because I got so mad & sad. He said off the wall things like that to me ALL THE TIME. That was very unhealthy, & I knew I was way much stronger & better than that situation I was in.
How did you feel about your abuser and/or your relationship in the days before you left?
When I talked to him or saw him I hated him. I didn’t want to even be around him because he was so bad on crystal meth. We fought everyday over him quitting & he always would deny he was doing it. The horrible part about it was, he shot it up.
I got tired from his verbal abuse saying I was cheating. He NEVER physically hit me, he would run away when I started to get physical. He never liked that. I felt like I was not going to being the only one fighting for our relationship anymore, so I had to let go when I had a lot of courage to just leave & never talk again.
What three emotions did you most experience in the days closest to leaving Abuse? How did you deal with them?
I felt sad, happy & relived all at once. I was sad I had to leave our relationship behind because I loved him & I knew he loved me when he was sober because the few months before he got stuck on it he was so passionate & in love. I could just tell by the way he acted & things he said he really loved me. Also the fact I couldn’t get him unhooked from what he loved to do. I thought I failed him.
I was happy I could get away from the relationship & realize I didn’t need him to live MY LIFE. I was relived because I finally let him go & everything we had.
What planning did you do before you left? Who knew you were leaving besides you?
I didn’t really plan. Nobody knew I was leaving except for me. I had to do it when I was ready & knew I could do it. My boyfriend & I were arguing & I just flat out said were done. He knew it was the end & I was serious.
Everyone asked when we really broke up “have you talked to him?”, “where has he been?” I would just say I don’t know, we haven’t talked. Then weeks later I told everyone in my family we broke up (they knew about his addiction) & they were very proud of me.
I haven’t talked to him since then. It’s been a year & 1 month now.
What were the one or two BEST things you did before you left?
The best thing I did was realize what kind of messed up situation I was in & needed to get out. I lost all my friends & even my sister didn’t want to be around me because I wanted to stay with him. I wanted everyone I loved back. I knew my family would support me & they loved & cared about me so they will help me through whatever.
If there was anything you wish you had not done before you left, what was it?
Nothing at all. I have no regrets. It’s made be stronger & I’m glad I am how I am now.
How long ago did you leave? How do you feel today?
I left a year & 1 month ago. I feel today better than ever. I don’t worry about him at all, I feel good. I have no worries honestly, I like to keep the past in the past. I don’t think about it.
Is there anything else you would like to say?
Relationships can have mental & physical abuse. If you know the signs, get out before it gets worse. Do not let any body make you feel low or like a bad person. You do not deserve that. This goes to men who are abused by women also.