Kate’s Story – Leaving Abuse

story of leaving abuseWhat happened that made you decide to leave?

MANY things. We knew each other since 2008, but we were off & on dating for 2 years until June 15, 2010. I was over at my friends house & he had happened to stop by. I knew he was dating a new girl, & he really didn’t treat her well from what I heard.

He came over trying to get me back, so he stayed the night over there & we talked things out saying we wanted to get back together & be in a serious relationship. I thought about it & I said yes.

In the first few months, everything was great. He was very sweet & nice. He bought me anything I wanted & would surprise me with nice gifts. Then a few months later around January, he met a man named KO & ever since then it was a nightmare. He got addicted to crystal meth & ruined our relationship, the relationship with his family, his life, his job. Everything. It was so sad.

He started acting super different, of course I knew why. But he would try to hide it from me, call me from private numbers & wouldn’t tell me where he was, sometimes he wouldn’t even call. He’d leave me hanging & I would cry all night wondering where he was at. The worst thing is he started accusing me of cheating because he was in the wrong. I never understood why he said I cheated because I would call his phone probably at least 90 times a day to try to get a hold of him but they wouldnt answer, it would be off or Someone would say he wasnt there.

All I wanted was him at home with me, safe. He told me I was the reason he started doing crystal meth because I stressed him out worrying about me all the time. I was so young, I honestly didn’t know what to do or think. I was so depressed it was happening to me. I didn’t want to live like that after a year & 2 months of that going on, so I left him in August 2011. I knew I was better than that.

I knew I was being abused because I started becoming an abuser. He would say mean things to me & yell at me & we would fight, I would end up hitting him because I got so mad & sad. He said off the wall things like that to me ALL THE TIME. That was very unhealthy, & I knew I was way much stronger & better than that situation I was in.

How did you feel about your abuser and/or your relationship in the days before you left?

When I talked to him or saw him I hated him. I didn’t want to even be around him because he was so bad on crystal meth. We fought everyday over him quitting & he always would deny he was doing it. The horrible part about it was, he shot it up.

I got tired from his verbal abuse saying I was cheating. He NEVER physically hit me, he would run away when I started to get physical. He never liked that. I felt like I was not going to being the only one fighting for our relationship anymore, so I had to let go when I had a lot of courage to just leave & never talk again.

What three emotions did you most experience in the days closest to leaving Abuse? How did you deal with them?

I felt sad, happy & relived all at once. I was sad I had to leave our relationship behind because I loved him & I knew he loved me when he was sober because the few months before he got stuck on it he was so passionate & in love. I could just tell by the way he acted & things he said he really loved me. Also the fact I couldn’t get him unhooked from what he loved to do. I thought I failed him.

I was happy I could get away from the relationship & realize I didn’t need him to live MY LIFE. I was relived because I finally let him go & everything we had.

What planning did you do before you left? Who knew you were leaving besides you?

I didn’t really plan. Nobody knew I was leaving except for me. I had to do it when I was ready & knew I could do it. My boyfriend & I were arguing & I just flat out said were done. He knew it was the end & I was serious.

Everyone asked when we really broke up “have you talked to him?”, “where has he been?” I would just say I don’t know, we haven’t talked. Then weeks later I told everyone in my family we broke up (they knew about his addiction) & they were very proud of me.

I haven’t talked to him since then. It’s been a year & 1 month now.

What were the one or two BEST things you did before you left?

The best thing I did was realize what kind of messed up situation I was in & needed to get out. I lost all my friends & even my sister didn’t want to be around me because I wanted to stay with him. I wanted everyone I loved back. I knew my family would support me & they loved & cared about me so they will help me through whatever.

If there was anything you wish you had not done before you left, what was it?

Nothing at all. I have no regrets. It’s made be stronger & I’m glad I am how I am now.

How long ago did you leave? How do you feel today?

I left a year & 1 month ago. I feel today better than ever. I don’t worry about him at all, I feel good. I have no worries honestly, I like to keep the past in the past. I don’t think about it.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Relationships can have mental & physical abuse. If you know the signs, get out before it gets worse. Do not let any body make you feel low or like a bad person. You do not deserve that. This goes to men who are abused by women also.


Are you abused? Tell your story and Break The Silence.
Did you leave an abusive relationship? Tell us how you did it at How I Left Abuse.
Please show your support in the comment section below.

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Comments

  1. Kate is brave. Brava!
    by Lisa Fontes, PhD. Author of: Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship

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