Alexandra’s Story – Leaving Abuse

What happened that made you decide to leave?

You aren't weak for being abused, but once you realize what's happening to you as wrong, you cannot become weak by letting the abuse continue. I was fourteen and in an abusive relationship. I was still a child, really. I stayed for 11 months and then one day, I woke up realizing I deserved better. I was tired of fighting.

I stopped reacting to him. I didn’t give him what he wanted. I refused to fight with him. I wouldn’t speak and I looked him dead in the eyes, which he hated. Emotionally, I had left him.

Then one day, he told me I was a terrible person and he “broke up” with me. I had left emotionally and that caused him to leave physically. Don’t give them what they want and they’ll find someone who will and leave you behind.

How did you feel about your abuser and/or your relationship in the days before you left?

I felt anger towards him. He isolated me from everyone. But most of all, I felt remorse because he was sick mentally and wasn’t being helped. It was a hurricane of remorse, sadness, and anger.

What three emotions did you most experience in the days closest to leaving Abuse? How did you deal with them?

Guilt, relief, and pity. I told myself there was nothing else I could do for him, because he would either kill me or I’d kill myself before I even graduated high school.

What planning did you do before you left? Who knew you were leaving besides you?

The only planning I did was how to sever my emotions and bite my tongue. No one knew what I was doing.

What were the one or two BEST things you did before you left?

I prayed for the strength to get through this and for him to find the peace of mind he needed.

If there was anything you wish you had not done before you left, what was it?

There’s nothing I’d do differently.

How long ago did you leave? How do you feel today?

In June of 2013, it will be 4 years. I feel like an incredibly better person from it.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

You aren’t weak for letting this happen, but once you realize what’s happening to you as wrong, you cannot become weak by letting it continue.

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