Todd’s testimonial has a twist: his story comes from the point of view of the abuser. I’ve communicated with Todd outside of this testimonial and he seems sincere and ready to change. He mentions Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans as the book that helped him the most after his wife moved out with his two children.
Todd’s Signs of Being Abusive
As I am the abuser in this situation. I found out by my wife moving out with our two children. Once that happened – POW! Wake up you idiot and get a grip with your issues if I will have any chance to resolve this. So I have been educating myself about who, what, and how I incorporated this abusive attack on my wife.
Emotional Signs of Recognizing His Abuse
Guilt, Shame, Desperation
Todd’s Story of Abuse
As the abuser, I have recalled unlimited times that I said sorry after sorry full of empty promises to my wife. I have to say that majority of the times when I was very abusive were the times I was drinking heavy and by saying that it is still wrong on what I did.
I have a committed plan to alter and resolve this vicious cycle, of drinking and abusing. I attend three classes a week, and contacted Patricia Evans for direction and steps. I am currently reading one of her books called “Controlling People” which has really hit home on several levels for me.
To all you men who are going through or just found out that you are the abuser, I suggest that you move out of your current home and seek help today! Let your wife to get help to heal the wounds that we have caused by our abusive words. PERIOD!!!
Update
July 4, 2010
From Todd:
Hi Kellie,
I hope you are in a safe peaceful place in your life. My wife and I are still separated and it’s been 90 + days and I am making progress with my abuse but still have some ways to go to build up her faith & trust. There are times that I take a step backwards but seems to put things in a clearer perspective for me to learn from because I have the will to improve me. I sure love my wife and kids, but I need to be patient, kind, honest and understanding in all my affairs! Please feel free to upload this and display it if you would like on the blog. Take care!
“…patient, kind, honest and understanding” sure sounds like a winning combination. Todd, I’m thinking good thoughts for you.
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