Pam’s Signs of Being Abused
I got fed up with not being able to put a finger or a name on the abuse, and got fed up with being afraid of “being caught” doing research on relationships and abuse. I read a few books and finally called a domestic abuse hotline.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The lady on the hotline would finish my sentences for me. Someone understood! I was beside myself. She could put her finger on everything. That only encouraged me to do more research which helped me leave “into the unknown” and it’s a lot better than any day of my marriage. The research I did showed me what was going on.
Pam’s Emotional Signs of Abuse
Fear, Guilt, Shame
Pam’s Story of Abuse
He made me feel so worthless. He would make me feel like I was crazy and that when I spoke I was not making any sense. He would take my words and twist their meanings. I couldn’t say enough “That’s not what I meant! Why can’t you understand me!”
Eventually I started to believe that I must be stupid and really can’t communicate. So instead of being belittled or saying something wrong I decided to just stop talking all together. To just agree and tell him what I thought he wanted to hear so it wouldn’t cause a fight. I felt like a trained dog. I would do things on cue. Pamper his every need so I wouldn’t be criticized or accused of doing something wrong.
He accused me so often of cheating on him and doing things wrong when we went out, that I quit leaving the house with him. Eventually I just didn’t leave the house at all. I might get in trouble if I was gone to long. If I actually made friends they might want to talk to me when I was with him and I would get deep trouble then. So I didn’t make friends. There is so much more.
He started drinking very heavily for 3 years of our 7 year marriage. I couldn’t tell if he was being paranoid or if he was making things up. He would force me to listen to him for hours. He would want to talk about the bible and his own great ideas. I couldn’t get anything done. Just sit there and listen. For the hell of it I would try to make it a conversation and he would tell me, “I don’t want you to talk, I just want you to listen.” So I wouldn’t talk. It was hell.
I would mentally try to block his words so I wouldn’t be brainwashed. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk. He would be mad about something and scream at me for HOURS! Belittling me and telling me how stupid I was.
I am divorced from him now. I used to be so afraid of him. Terrified. I’m not afraid anymore. The fear is not worth it. I’ve realized that people in the real world do not tolerate behavior like that. That even though some people may not understand that they are a phone call away and would help at any moment.