Melanie’s Signs of Being Abused
He started breaking the things that were important to me.
Melanie’s Emotional Signs of Abuse
Fear, Shame, Confusion
Melanie’s Story of Abuse
As I sit here confuse about what exactly I am doing now writing a book, keeping track of my thoughts maybe just keeping a record of what my husband does or says to me or the journal I was going to keep to help me sort out my thought and feelings. I wonder how I got here and why?
The biggest question I have is why does [my husband] tear up all my stuff? Sometimes he hides my things and swears he hasn’t. I just don’t understand.
Sunday night after having a good day watching the football game, we ate supper.I was waiting for the sun to go down a little so I could light candles in the bathroom.
I thought we could take a bath together in the claw foot tub upstairs. That thought didn’t last long because he started yelling for no reason I could think of.
I don’t even remember really what he was saying except I was using him and gave him no attention. After a while he went into the dining room and knocked almost everything off the tea table we had. It had twenty years of memories on it – some of the stuff was from my children’s grandmothers, things they would have gotten when I passed. Things I loved. Gone. Broken and he did not care.
He left but only for a short time. Long enough for me to take pictures and send to friends just in case he came back and killed me. When he did come back he dared me to call the police because if they arrested him I would lose everything because it would cost him his job. I called and went to the bathroom upstairs and waited, locked in where I hoped I would be safe.
When they showed up he was calm and tried to put everything on me as being crazy. He had cleaned up the mess and everything looked fine. They did nothing.
I had just called the police on him Dec. 12 while we were at his job’s Christmas party. Everything seemed fine. We had a good time. I went to sleep and around 12 am I woke up to him punching me in the face out of a sound sleep. Boom!
I asked him what was going on but he just came at me again. I know he was on drugs. When I went to grab my cell he broke it. Thank God someone in the next room called because he then ripped the wire out of the wall to the room phone.
The police came and told him he had to leave or go to jail. The next morning while I was packing my things to go home he called said he stayed in the ER at some hospital to stay warm, and then he called his brother to pick him up. He was on his way to drive us home. All the way home I got yelled at for calling. He didn’t even care about my face or that I was asleep and did nothing.
As I sit here writing my daughter called, and as we are talking the cell started to ring and people are beeping in. I ignore them all but laugh as I think how they all called at the same time to wish me a happy birthday. [My daughter] is asking me about the locket I wanted for Christmas. The only thing I asked my husband for and did not get. But then he would have taken it back or destroyed it so it is for the best.
The kids are getting me one. It is to put BooBoo’s hair in so I will always have him close. I would rather have him but I am grateful that [my husband] can’t be here. As awful as that sounds it is the second best gift I could have.
Somehow he would ruin it and turn everything around to be about him and how I make him do the things he does because I won’t sleep with him. That to him is foreplay – yell, break shit, then scream at me how I do nothing to turn him on and I just lay there and now let’s go upstairs and make love. Yep that’s just what I want to do after all that.
As he is on the phone now he saying how he wishes he was here as if nothing happened Sunday and I am so glad he’s not here. I only answered the phone because he already called three times and would not stop calling until I answered. I might be enjoying myself. Or have someone here when he is not. Big no no. I would love to say he has hurt me for the last time. But what’s the sense in lying to myself? I’ll just be grateful for the breaks I get from him and pray for the best.
The grandbabies are here. [My daughter] brought them over yesterday. They help keep my mind of things and usually [my husband] behaves half way when they are here. I am lucky they are even allowed after the stunt he pulled right after Thanksgiving.
I had [my grandbaby] and asked him to stop and pick up a Christmas tree on his way home. I thought with all the rain and cold weather it would do it good to sit outside for a while.
He blew up, yanked the tree out of the stand right in front of a two-year-old and threw the tree out the back door. She was so upset I could not believe he would do that in front of her. I was the one who messed things up. I took her upstairs and made up some lie like the Grinch who stole Christmas would have and promised to make it better.
Thank god when we got up in the morning it was back and as usual everything was fine nothing had happened the night before. Hoping [my grandbaby] would not tell I took home for her on safety. I do not think he would hurt her but I knew a fight was brewing.
Another Day. [My daughter] found out and almost did not let them stay this time , I assured her [my husband] would not be here until Thursday night (god willing). Once again he is blowing up my phones and will continue until I answer. He does this every time he thinks I’ve done something wrong. I am going to close for the day and pray that nothing eventful happens today on my birthday. All I want is my kids and grandkids, peace and quiet and maybe a visit to BooBoo my baby.
Another Day. I have not been able to write because he has been home, and would be a no no using the computer while he is here. I did leave on New Year’s Day to take jabyrd home. Thankful he was mad at me for something and he did not go. I got to go visit with a friend for a while then off to take jaybyrd home it was nice to visit with everyone without him there. He was mad as hornet when I got home.
I got up the next morning and offered to make breakfast. He was still mad so he quickly said no and I just went along with my chores. He yelled and screamed at me until I could not take it anymore. I just left early. He had forgotten where I was going and what time I told him I had to leave.
I got to Healing Hands twenty minutes early, but the woman was nice enough to see me. Healing Hands is my daughter’s so-called psychic. I really do not believe in that hocus pocus but it will be fun and I do not have to be at home getting yelled at and being told how I use him and do nothing for him (at least for a little while).
I was expecting what you see on TV. You know, dimmed light, outrageous dress, and a crystal ball. Nope. She was just a normal lady wearing normal clothes in a normal room. I was not impressed with her hand reading but then I also refused to give her any information about myself with the exception of my name. She then had me shuffle some Tarot cards thinking about something for myself and someone I cared about. I could barely think. My son, BooBoo…all I wanted was him back.
The first card she flipped made me laugh, but it confused her. I know she thought I was a crack pot. She paused after explaining its meaning and I assured her when she was done I would explain my behavior. As she continued to turn card after card I was wishing it was real. The money card kept being turned over. The last card was flipped over she said it was like a wolf coming up dangerous, trying to steal everything, jealous, wanting everything I had for itself. She asked if any of this applied and asked me to explain my reaction I had had earlier.
I explained that I had a daughter that she had seen once and Healing Hands immediately interrupted and said my daughter’s name and the death card she pretended not to see or address was my son who had passed away. Now I am listening. She asked about my husband. I just blurted out I hated him. She said the last card was about him, not knowing what was going on she told me he was jealous of my family and our relationship that he has outbursts that showed her destruction and I should be careful and either treat him as a child or get rid of him. He could be dangerous.
Earlier she had said until the wolf was controlled, that the money would not come. All I could think was I have no money. I thought that she was just lucky. So once again as if she could read my mind she said the money is coming it has something to do with teaching and my career that I have not yet achieved. I knew that because although I was busy, I was also restless. But once again nothing would come until the wolf was controlled.
I thought about everything she had said on the way home, but knew only one thing – I had been gone too long. Normally when going home I always stop to see BooBoo but this time I did not. I did not want to get yelled at. As I turned where I usually go straight I just said, “You of all people understand. I told him all the shit [my husband] did. I am sorry I’ll see you Monday.”
Nothing was better when I got home except he was outside cleaning the garage. I count all my blessings even the small ones. By five o’clock he was talking to me again but I knew something was up. Time will tell.
Later on he started giving me the third degree about the name Jack. Well I knew at that moment he had been going through my cell phone. Jack had sent me two messages, one for my birthday and one for the New Year. He was not going to admit he had gone through my phone so I played dumb. I just kept asking what he was talking about and where did he get that name. Finally I just went to bed. But morning always comes.