Joshua’s Story of Abuse

Joshua’s Signs of Being Abused

Coerced into ceasing contact with friends, having a knife pulled on me while being called the name of my ex’s first husband, put-downs towards myself/family/friends.

After I left: having calls go to my workplace asking that I be fired, calls to my ex-wife’s lawyer to try to get my son taken away from me, public smear campaigns, threats of suicide if I left, Ex abusing herself and threatening to call the police to tell them that I did it.

Joshua’s Emotional Signs of Abuse

Anger, Sadness, Emptiness

Joshua’s Story of Abuse

Joshua's Story of AbuseI first met “J” a little over a year ago. We got together in August 2011. She was still living with her boyfriend at the time, but wanted attention from me. Two weeks later, she was living with me.

She coerced me into believing that a friend of mine showed up when I was at work and begging for money. She told me that she filed a restraining order on him, despite there being no records of such an event. A couple of weeks after that, we rented out an apartment. She immediately cut off her ex-boyfriend, despite her saying a few days prior that she’d keep him in her life for the sake of her son (whom she had with her 2nd husband).

In October, she spat on me because some guy on the news got away with being acquitted of assault charges. In November, she flipped out after she saw me spank her son. She began to call me by her first husband’s name and grabbed a kitchen knife from the drawer and aimed it at me. I told her I wanted to leave, and she aimed the knife towards herself and told me that she’d kill herself if I left. I tried to snap her out of it by reaching out to her, and she slapped my hand out of the way. She went out of the room, paused, and then back in. She stood there, just staring at me, and then reached out to me with her arms wide open. I stood there for a moment, scared shitless that she’d grab another knife.

In December, I began to talk to another friend about my f-ed up relationship, and I didn’t want to return home after going out. She began to phone and text-bomb me, accusing me of having an affair, threatening to call the city and state police on me if I didn’t return home. When I finally returned home, a friend of ours was waiting to help us talk it out. When I refused to put my wedding band back on (we were engaged, and she demanded that I wear my band if she wore hers and would make “an effort” to stop flirting with guys online).

About once a month, she’d flip out and become violent. The verbal put-downs were more often. She burned my gym membership card because she didn’t want me to go to the same gym that I ex-wife works for.

In April, I got home after a shift and saw that her arms and legs were bleeding from mass cutting. J already had several scars on her arms and would cut herself every few months. She carved the words “FAT CUNT” in her upper right thigh.

She hit her head into the wall in May. In early July, she overdosed on [prescription drug] the night that I finally broke off our engagement – a nonfatal dose, but she was so knocked out that her 4-year-old son had to fend for himself for 5 hours.

On July 20th, she called up her therapist and threatened to kill herself if she wasn’t put on mood stabilizers and threatened to have me come down to the office with her to “intimidate” her therapist. I recorded part of the conversation with my cellphone. Later that night, I found out that she posted something on Facebook about planning on killing me, or at least making a comment that appeared so because she believed I was having an affair.

When I came home in the morning, we got into an argument and she found out about the recording by logging into my Facebook at reading messages. When I refused her demand to delete the recording, she flipped out and called 911 on her phone, saying that I was chasing her around the house with a nightstick and punched her in the mouth.

The police arrived, took me outside at gunpoint (because she told them that I had guns within 3 feet of me– more like 7-8), and handcuffed me. While they questioned us both, she admitted that I didn’t punch her, but that her lips were chapped. They escorted me off property for both of our safety, and when I returned three days later, I found out that she filed a restraining order on me. I was allowed a 10 minute civil standby (which she was timing).

She has since kept all of my belongings, including my son’s bed. I took her to small claims court, where she claims to own all of my stuff because she’s “tightened bolts, screws, and wiped things down.” When I won the small claims case, she immediately left the courtroom and told everyone outside the court that I beat and raped her for an entire year.

Tomorrow is the court hearing to hopefully get the RO dismissed, based on her false claims and mental instability.

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Comments

  1. Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo says:

    She has no business being in a relationship with anyone! The theatrics and drama these abusers create is mind-numbing. I only hope you can put her behind you soon and have your healing move into high gear. No one deserves this treatment. I’m sorry.

  2. Kia Richardson says:

    First, I am thankful for allowing all of you too be protected. I am saddened she would file false reports against you. That’s one of the reasons Domestic Violence is NOT taken seriously. I will be praying for healing and deliverance. Thanks for sharing from a mans view.

  3. The court hearing went well. She showed up with her new girlfriend and her 4 year old son. He looked at me and started talking about my son, calling him ‘brother.’ J responded to him in Spanish, “He is not your brother anymore.”
    I also found out that J has been following my social networking accounts. J was asking for an extension to 5 years. The judge granted neither request, a stalemate. I can live with that.
    I was also given the money that I won from small claims, and found a potential PERMANENT place to live overlooking a lake.

  4. I’m sorry you went through this. I know what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship. My husband was an abusive alcoholic for 5 years he just recently got sober but not before doing unspeakable damage to me and our relationship. I hope you find peace and can move on past the memories. Don’t let her continue to control you.

  5. Easier said than done. On Wednesday, a guy she knows in Rhode Island (whom she used to have a brotherly/sisterly friendship with, but is now having an online relationship while he already has a girlfriend) posted a video on YouTube, calling me out and saying that I’m a beater and rapist and that I should put a gun in my mouth and shoot myself.
    It’s been hard to deal with, because he was a former friend until he took her side. And also the police won’t do anything about it.
    He also targeted my best friend, who has been with me in court for support the last couple of times, and has served legal papers to my ex. In court the other day, she gave him the “reptilian stare” and a half-smile and wink. The next day, we found out about her boyfriend’s video.
    It’s not the only time that she’s used someone to go after me. After I won in small claims, one of her friends that she had along to try to intimidate me was taking pictures of my car as we were leaving.
    And I also was receiving prank calls around this time a month ago. I picked up twice, and both times it sounded like a man impersonating a woman speaking Spanish.

  6. Thankyou for sharing your story about abuse. You have alot of courage to speak out. We do not hear enough about men suffering from domestic violence. Take care and live one day at a time, it will get better but it takes time and hard work.

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