How Elizabeth Found Out She Was Being Abused
I believe from the first time it happened…
Words Elizabeth Chose to Describe Her Abusive Experience
Pain, Embarrassment, Resentment
Elizabeth’s Story of Abuse
I was about 3 1/2 or 4 years old living with my grandmother and grandfather. I can’t remember where we lived though because I have blocked out a lot of things which I’m sure will resurface. They have been resurfacing little by little.
My grandfather was a nasty being. I will never forget the looks he would give, the way he talked, or his smell. Until this day I smell his heavy cigar smell and it makes me gag.
One of the first memories I have of him is when he approached me and made me touch his private area as he smiled. That was the start of a life of sexual molestation and abuse. As I grew a little older, things got worse and I became this skinny quiet little girl who barely had friends, who barely showed any emotion or love to anyone, and so I became the black sheep of the family. I was now the daughter of a drug addict and the one child in my family that was not lovey-dovey with everyone.
As time passed the abuse continued. But now it wasn’t just that he did things to me when no one was around, he did things to me as I laid right next to my grandmother in the same bed. By age six I already knew what intercourse was, what masturbation was.
Some would say hey, why didn’t you tell anyone? Well because I was scared. I wasn’t sure if I was doing something wrong for real like he would tell me I was. And what I wanted the most was to be with my mother and he told me that if I told on him I would never ever see my mother again. Anyone that knows me KNOWS how much I wanted to be with my mom and how much I cried because of it and he took advantage of that.
The abuse continued on and on… He would chase me around the house when my grandmother wasn’t there telling me to give him “UN CALIENTICO” which means basically to give him a little heat. He would then rub himself all over me while talking dirty things to me. I remember my heart pounding so hard that I couldn’t count the beats.
I remember he told me to go listen at the door when he would have sex with my grandmother, of course I never would but then he would ask me what I saw. He would always use a coco butter lotion to do his disgusting things to me and to this day I cannot smell coco butter without throwing up.
I am so disgusted by him and its hard to let these thoughts go. I will say he has not defeated me, I am a strong person because of what he has done, which there is wayyyyy more to the story and it gets worse. I have never been able to talk to friends about my first time with a man, or my first kiss, because all my firsts was HIM…and what would my friends think about that… So I always lied, I made up things, places, boyfriends, moments…
As I got older the only person that knew about what was happening was my cousin because he tried the same thing with her. The only difference was that she told her mom about it.. and her mother kept it to herself and moved out of the house where he lived and left me there without saying a word to anyone.
At age 12 he raped me, and after that the little bit of life that was left me was gone. I felt like I had nothing left. After that my grandmother separated from him and the abuse stopped. I still had to see his face at family events, and even after I told my family about what happened at age 18, they disregarded everything and continued life as if nothing ever happened.
They still treat him like the best father and grandfather in the world. Recently I found out that before I was conceived, my grandfather had raped my mom, and I could be the “Mistake” that happened. I’m very troubled by this. I thought I was getting past the things that happened to me, but now I could be my abuser’s daughter.
It’s sickening, and my sole purpose is to help this abuse stop for others, I want to raise awareness and share my story and let people know that YOU are NOT alone. I hope that by sharing this story it will make a little difference.
Are you abused? Tell your story to Break The Silence and download this Safety Plan. Did you leave an abusive relationship? Tell us how you did it at How I Left Abuse.
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