How Annabell Realized Her Partner Abused Her
He treats no one else this way. I know his mother treated his father the same way for many years. He believes the constant conflict is normal. I googled verbal abuse and found so much more information to confirm my feelings.
Words Annabell Chose to Describe the Emotional Abuse
Uncertain, Confused, Lost
Annabell’s Story of Abuse
When we met it was instant love at first sight. I was going through a divorce at that time, and he was the best listener. He was truly my best friend. My daughters really liked him. He was so kind and caring. We had so much in common, we both loved the water and began a search for the perfect house on the water to begin our life.
I noticed that he drank almost every day. It was just a couple after work and before dinner. I felt alarmed by this but he reassured me there was no problem with drinking. He said, he was single for so many years (he was 40 and never married) and had nothing to go home before so he always had a couple of beers after work.
We married after being together for a year. The verbal abuse began once we all moved in together. He would start drinking and become very mean to my children, accusing them of being lazy among other things. You never knew from day-to-day what would set him off so we all walked on eggshells hoping not to set him off.
After several confrontations with my daughters, they became scared and chose to stay with their dad. I was helpless and feel bad to this day that I allowed them to feel this way. It just seemed like if I stood my ground with him the verbal abuse got worse. My daughters, now 30 and 25 years old still question why I stayed.
Now I’m the sole punching bag in the house. Every time he has a bad day or his job takes a toll on him I’m the one who suffers.
He now drinks more than a couple of beers every day. It’s more like 6 -10 or more. He doesn’t eat dinner until he finishes drinking which puts our dinner time at around 9 or 10 at night. If I try to get him out of this rut and try to make our life more normal he just gets angry.
He says I’m the reason he drinks every day and that I’m ruining his life. When I try to talk to him he gets defensive and tells me to get the fuck out of his face, car, garage… He will fall silent and not speak to me. After all “Why would I want to talk to someone who nags or is constantly on me?”
He has become controlling over everything we do. We never go out anymore. We don’t go out to dinner or spend an evening with friends. There is no normal activity outside the home.
He will go to weddings and events that involve my family. In front of my parents and my siblings, he is so very kind. I won’t invite people over like I use to because you don’t know if he will go off on me after everyone leaves. He will, however, be as nice as can be in front of people most of the time.
Things are falling apart fast. I’m home today after calling in sick because I couldn’t make myself get up after an outburst last night. Lately, my husband has worked many hours and gone out-of-town for several weeks now. I expressed how difficult this has been on me and I’m getting worn out. I too have a very stressful job managing an apartment complex of 180 elderly/disabled residents. I have six great employees but the job takes a lot out of me. I come home every night to take care of our pets.
I rarely go out because this might cause conflict and he might be mad. He is and isn’t but you just don’t know when he will be mad so why chance it.
I’m in a place in my mind now that scares me because I’m weak and confused. I know this is wrong behavior but if he knows I’m seeking help, he will just have negative words and become even more distant. I know I need to change this situation before I become sick from the stress.
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