Amber’s Story of Abuse

How Amber Found Out She Was Being Abused

It was pretty obvious. If you know me … then you know I am in a abusive relationship. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “Why don’t you just leave?” “He isn’t good to you…or your children.” “You deserve better than this.”

Three Words Amber Uses to Describe Her Experience

Stress, Fear, Low Self-Esteem

Amber’s Story of Abuse

Over the years I have been called every profanity under the sun. He later apologizes and I just sweep it under the carpet. I didn't want to abandon him.Hi, my name is Amber. I am 28 years old. I have been married for ten years and I have four children. When I met my husband I was 18 years old. We met at work … he was handsome, Christian and came from a good family. I married my husband after only dating for a few months. We were young and I was in love. It made sense to me at the time.

My husband was very charming in the start of our relationship and I always felt bad for him because he grew up being verbally abused and physically abused by his father. He was very hurt by this.

When we were dating he showed some red flags. Once in an argument he got very upset at me and called me vulgar names and yelled. He later apologized and I just swept it under the carpet. Our arguments were never normal so to speak. He would get very defensive over the smallest things (because he felt like I was disappointed in him or putting him down. I think that these insecurities stem from years of his father’s emotional abuse but this would set him into a rage.)

Over the years I have been called every profanity under the sun. I have been belittled.

I have been hit, choked and ended up in the emergency room twice; once from a head concussion when I was pregnant with our first son and once because I was punched in the face so hard that it chipped my cheek bone.

It may be easy to sit back and say “Why didn’t you leave?” and honestly I wish I had an answer to this one. All I can say is I love my husband. I feel sorry for him (or for the small boy that spent decades of abuse at the hands of his father). I also see the potential in him. I know a side of him that is educated, charming, sweet and kind. (He has the typical Jekyll/Hyde personality of a Verbal/Emotional Abuser.)

I wanted to believe that I can “HELP” him with his anger issues. I didn’t want to abandon him like his father had done. I wanted to hug that small boy and tell him that he was worthy.

But I wonder if there is any “of that sweet boy” left in this man.

I WANT TO STOP THE CYCLE OF ABUSE. And in order to do so…I cannot remain silent. My name is Amber and I am in a Emotionally/Verbally abusive Marriage.

Are you abused? Tell your story and Break The Silence and download this Safety Plan.
Did you leave an abusive relationship? Tell us how you did it at How I Left Abuse.
Please show your support in the comment section below.

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Comments

  1. Hey girl, it’s Not easy to leave I know that. but your not alone in this and need to know that your family and friends are there for you. If you have been in the hospital. Please think about your children and what their seeing. you don’t want then to grow up thinking that it’s OK to hit mama. Or even end up with no mama if he were to ever end up killing you. Don’t feel sorry for him, he doesn’t feel sorry for you when he belittled you or hospitalized you. Start planning a way out and get yourself into the mind set that he will do it again and again and again until you yourself put a stop to it. 🙂 you deserve way better believe me. I have been there abyss have gotten out. It took me 3 years and I married him after the face that I new he was verbal. Little did I know he would turn physical. I was blinded to the fact.
    Get out before it’s to late love. Email me if you need someone to talk to. J o b r I e n 5 2 2 @gmail.com

  2. What happened to him as a small boy was nothing to do with you, you can’t change his past and you shouldn’t be responsible for it, I’m married to a verbal abuser, the Jekyll and Hyde character, charm personified to the outside world but can be a real piece of work at home. He has never hit me but I’ve been called names, sworn at, so has our daughter. I believe he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I believe he was excessively loved by his parents and believed he was super special, then when he was 5 his mother brought another baby home from hospital, I believe he has never recovered from that.
    Its not my fault this happened, I was only 4 at the time and we hadn’t met at all. I can’t change his past or make it different.

    I also believe he thought his father was invincible and when my husband was 16 or so his father had a stroke and ended up in a wheelchair. My husband I believe was so angry/disappointed/let down by his fathers vulnerability that he used to kick him in his wheelchair as if he might get up and say “only kidding”. He died when my husband was 27 and disowned him on the night he died. Also not my fault and I can’t change that.

    My husband has tried to teach his dead father a lesson for the past 30 years by refusing to have a headstone put on his grave.

    My late father-in-law was a brute who used my mother-in-law and his 2 other sons and an adopted one as punchbags, my husband was not touched. He settled all arguments/disputes with his fists or anything else that came to hand.

    Non of what happened to any of them as children is my fault and I will not accept the blame for it, I’m tired of being called names, sworn at, having my daughter driven to the brink of suicide and self harming because her father tells her she is stupid, fat, lazy and anything else he can think of. That I can do something about and I am in the process of divorcing him.

    You can’t help him, you can’t help the little boy, he won’t wake up one morning and be what you want him to be, his past has damaged him too much and if you stay he will just drag you and your children down with him and blame you for it. You need to get out before its too late.

  3. My thing is you have had 10 long abusive years to “change” or ” fix” him. U are repeating the cycle ur husband grew up in. Even if he doesn’t abuse them. You said ur husband wasn’t touched. But yet he still abuses you. Ur kids will repeat this cycle unless u break it. That will be on you. He may be the abuser but u are the enabler. What havent u tried that your will try next? Don’t walk away because of hate… Walk away because of love for children to have a chance to not repeat this pattern. They deserve it even if u don’t believe u do.

    • Sorry I miss understood what I read. He was physically abuses. But hun u cant save someone who won’t help themselves. They will just take them and their children down worth them. Good luck to you.

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