Explained Myself to End Verbal Abuse

He knows what he is doing. There is no empathy for “fucking whores” & he redirects my pain to the business of being married. Insurance & meaningless emails.

I Called My Local Sheriff’s Department (Non-Emergency)

I called the Sheriff’s department and spoke with the person in charge of domestic violence cases. I wanted to find out as much as I could about the process that occurs after calling the police to a domestic disturbance. Knowing what could happen if you call the police can give you the courage to actually call them if you need them.

I Tried Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is designed for couples who have a failure in communication or emotional connection. Abuse is NOT a communication failure, nor is it lacking an emotional connection. Abuse twists up love into an unrecognizable mass that both people mistakenly still call love. Abuse is not love, and abuse does not allow a relationship to heal.

I’m In Counseling With A Therapist Familiar With Domestic Abuse

Find “the right” counselor. You get to decide who is the right counselor, no one else. If you don’t feel comfortable with a therapist after three visits, continue counseling but start looking for a better match. There are different kinds of therapies available to you. I recommend one that deals with the here and now and answers questions like “What can I do today to better handle the abuse I’m experiencing?

Received Counseling Through the Army’s Social Services Dept.

If you press charges and go to court and your military spouse is found guilty, you’ll receive counseling and other services and the soldier will most likely receive a Dishonorable Discharge. If the soldier is found guilty of domestic violence in court, victims of domestic violence qualify for Transitional Compensation (Financial). In my case, that would have been $1600/month for three years. The idea seems to be that a Dishonorable Discharge will severely impact the soldiers ability to gain profitable employment, and help for the soldier’s family is necessary.

Attended Domestic Violence Support Groups

Abusers, when you think about it, are truly ridiculous people. Everything they saw we are, they are. Abusers project their worst fears about themselves onto us and then hate us for representing their fear. Support groups help you see this and can give back your sense of humor.

I Told Everyone About The Abuse

This outreach benefits me every day. I no longer feel alone or voiceless. Because of reaching out on my blog, I found the courage to locate domestic violence organizations in my local area for face to face help. Groups and counselors who know about domestic abuse are invaluable to recovery (and simply getting through the day if you live with your abuser).

Drinking and Domestic Abuse: Sobriety Fixes Nothing

Drinking only lowers inhibitions – it lets you be “more you” and gives the abuser permission to abuse.

I’m Hoping The Abuse Will Resolve Itself

Hope is wonderful when you wish for it not to rain on a picnic. Hope is grand for tossing the dice. Hope does not work when you want to end domestic abuse.

Observing But Not Participating In My Abuse

Therefore, I am finding that I am an emotional chameleon. I must learn to turn off my emotions and the thought train they trigger when I recognize abuse to protect myself and begin “observation mode”. This is not going to work for the long haul. I do not want to live my life connecting and disconnecting from the one I married. But for now and until I leave or he knocks off the abuse, it will have to work.