Cycle of Abuse Video

I wish I knew how to explain all of this without sounding like a crybaby or that I’m blaming my abuser for everything. I really wish I could come across as someone who knew exactly what she was doing and knew exactly what she was talking about and had the answers for everything…not that I want to be a know-it-all either, but, you know…

On Hold For Military Investigation

Right now, we’re in the middle of a military investigation about domestic violence. It couldn’t have come at a worse time, but is the result of the report I made back in December 2008. Why did it take so long for the report to make it to the Army? I may have an answer for […]

Am I A Participant In My Own Abuse?!

The problem is that at this point, I’m so angry that this has gone on so long, I’m not sure I even WANT to TRY Dr. Elgin’s techniques. I’m tired. No, exhausted. It pisses me off that I haven’t figured these things out for myself, and it pisses me off that I have to be the one to implement a new strategy. It pisses me off that he takes no responsibility for fixing anything!

Not Depressed, Just Unhappy

He tells me that I’m “spoiled and don’t even know it.” No – he’s spoiled. Everything is on HIS terms. Everything I do is working around him. All I’ve got is a half-hearted promise that one day this marriage can be “all about me.” Even then, I have to live in his hermit house. So, I can have anything I want (including his love?) in about fifteen years so long as I want a secluded house on secluded property far far away from everything and everyone else.

Causing Drama

Drama queen – causing drama because I’m bored? Because I’m unhappy? Because he says so?Making excitement for myself by creating conflict, living with it and then revealing it in my own time – when I can’t handle the stress alone anymore. Maybe I am a drama queen.

Voices In My Head

How do I be my own mother and father AND be a mom and dad for Marc and Eddie? There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. I don’t even know what I need.

Opals and Roses for 10th Anniversary – Rape 2 Nights Before

Gotta love those honeymoon periods. Or maybe I gotta love how desperate my brain is to protect me from the truth. Will raped me to regain power over me so I would agree that returning to the military was a good idea.

Sexual Abuse is Sometimes the Nice Way to Say Rape

One more thing, I think Will DID know what he was doing. He was sweet right after, but said he didn’t want to feel this way again – what “way” was he talking about? He felt bad which meant he knew what he was doing.

Staying In Abusive Marriage

I prayed for our marriage & believed staying in abusive marriages like mine was somehow God’s plan. I thought I was powerful enough to change my husband.

Walkin’ On Sunshine

The honeymoon periods found me full of life and energy, yet dreading the possibility that the honeymoon would end. Make hay while the sun shines, I suppose.