The silence of abuse destroyed my ability to end the abuse in my marriage. I maintained my silence for many reasons, all of which made sense to me at the time. From a feeling of loyalty to feelings of fear, reaching out for help became harder and harder to imagine. I didn’t open myself to […]
This declaration of freedom from abuse states my boundaries. I’ll use the word “you” because I am unwilling to put up with verbal abuse from anyone anymore.
I laid bare the last protected areas of my soul in hope that he could understand me. I just knew if he understood me, the arguments would end.
No one ever pointed out to me that we each have personal boundaries. I knew when I didn’t like someone standing too close to me, but the idea that individuals can and do set emotional boundaries confounded me. I do set boundaries with friends, strangers, family members…I mean, I don’t discuss my sex life with […]
How can you, a person outside of your loved one’s abusive relationship, help her in any way? Is it possible to figure out how to help a domestic abuse victim? Is it possible to force her abuser to behave differently? Can you turn the tables and beat him down for a lasting effect? Nope. Is […]
“I Cannot Control You” is the missing key for people setting boundaries in abusive relationships. I cannot control you, but I can control me. So if you are acting like a jerk, I get to decide if I’m going to stay around you while you act that way…or not. Boundaries for abusive relationships help you keep the sanity you still have.
Once you set your personal boundaries, you do not have to tell a person who crosses your line why you’re doing what you’re doing unless you want to do so. With no warning at all, you can simply walk away from the conversation or interrupt to say what you need to say. There’s no guarantee the person will listen to you either way, so be prepared to do what you say you will do.
When you learn how to set boundaries, you’ll feel empowered and ready to try them out. Be aware your abuser may not like the new you. Be careful. Abusers do not like having limited access to your emotions and thoughts.
These steps will help you clear your thinking after weeks or even years of abuse. Over time, you’ve likely developed some side-effects of abuse that weaken your ability to exercise personal choice and freedom. The beauty of these first steps is that they create and support confidence and clarity – two characteristics that will help […]
The responsibility for abusing falls directly on the shoulders of the perpetrator, not the victim. Yet so many victims (me too!) want to somehow make the abuse “our fault”. I think that I wanted to accept responsibility for the abuse because if I caused it, then I could end it. Sadly, accepting responsibility for problems […]