Types of verbal abuse range from full on anger to forgetting on purpose. Even the silent treatment is a type of verbal abuse! Verbal abusers use several other sneaky tactics to abuse and control their victims, too. Recognizing the types of verbal abuse is the first step to overcoming its effects and regaining your mental health.
Therefore, I am finding that I am an emotional chameleon. I must learn to turn off my emotions and the thought train they trigger when I recognize abuse to protect myself and begin “observation mode”. This is not going to work for the long haul. I do not want to live my life connecting and disconnecting from the one I married. But for now and until I leave or he knocks off the abuse, it will have to work.
“I Cannot Control You” is the missing key for people setting boundaries in abusive relationships. I cannot control you, but I can control me. So if you are acting like a jerk, I get to decide if I’m going to stay around you while you act that way…or not. Boundaries for abusive relationships help you keep the sanity you still have.
This example of verbal abuse includes threats, name calling, and discrediting of the other parent. This dad doesn’t care that his daughter is “Twelve, or eleven, or a child….” (just in case he had her age wrong!). He’s more concerned that she’s a “thoughtless little pig” and that he had to make an “ass” of himself to get to a phone to call her.
Patricia Evans explains that when abusers engage in name-calling, they’re saying, “You do not exist. I annihilated you … Now that you are wiped out, I’m in control, just like in a war.”
I’ve got so much goin’ for me. And you’ve got so much goin’ for you! But when the person you love most in the world, that you think is your other half, that you’ve been told you can trust, that he will always be there for you…when that person that you’ve given your mind and body and soul to takes your mind and soul, crumples them up in a little ball, and throws it away like it doesn’t matter to him?… It’s hard to love him anymore.
On the other hand, it is painful and hard for me to remember that he would, could and has hurt me physically – but it’s happened three times now. Nothing that will create a bruise where it will show. Something that he can deny to himself, to me, to anyone. Something that he ultimately blames on me.
Drama queen – causing drama because I’m bored? Because I’m unhappy? Because he says so?Making excitement for myself by creating conflict, living with it and then revealing it in my own time – when I can’t handle the stress alone anymore. Maybe I am a drama queen.