Stephen Covey says to “live out of your imagination, not your history.” Depression, suicidal thoughts, hate, despair and hopelessness result when I live out of the mindset of my past. It’s as if he is abusing me all over again.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that if Will wanted to lash out at me, it did not matter what I said or did or how I said or did it. The purpose of yelling at me, accusing me of lying, telling me I was a horrid mother, insisting I was cheating and all the rest was to keep me off balance. To keep me confused. To keep me explaining myself to him so he did not have to explain himself to me.
He knows what he is doing. There is no empathy for “fucking whores” & he redirects my pain to the business of being married. Insurance & meaningless emails.
Types of verbal abuse range from full on anger to forgetting on purpose. Even the silent treatment is a type of verbal abuse! Verbal abusers use several other sneaky tactics to abuse and control their victims, too. Recognizing the types of verbal abuse is the first step to overcoming its effects and regaining your mental health.
“I Cannot Control You” is the missing key for people setting boundaries in abusive relationships. I cannot control you, but I can control me. So if you are acting like a jerk, I get to decide if I’m going to stay around you while you act that way…or not. Boundaries for abusive relationships help you keep the sanity you still have.
I wish you could take responsibility for the things you do and say ALL of the time – not only when the chips are down and your career or your marriage. You only seem to care about how you act or what you say when there’s a possiblilty that someone besides me will see or hear.
She is dead, not them. Those babies died, not my boys. Those babies are in heaven, not my boys. What now? How crazy am I? I’m not crazy. I’m mourning.
He got SO MAD at me! He said that we didn’t have the fucking money for a tow truck and told me to go away. As I walked away with tears in my eyes, he yelled something about What the HELL do you think YOU could do anyway?!