Stephen Covey says to “live out of your imagination, not your history.” Depression, suicidal thoughts, hate, despair and hopelessness result when I live out of the mindset of my past. It’s as if he is abusing me all over again.
Can brainwashed people recover? Yes. Once you know you’ve experienced brainwashing, you can undo it. First, learn how your abuser used brainwashing techniques. Then learn self mind-control to undo the brainwashing. It will take less time to recover than it took to become brainwashed. The brainwashing process took some time to take effect because the process was […]
Therefore, I am finding that I am an emotional chameleon. I must learn to turn off my emotions and the thought train they trigger when I recognize abuse to protect myself and begin “observation mode”. This is not going to work for the long haul. I do not want to live my life connecting and disconnecting from the one I married. But for now and until I leave or he knocks off the abuse, it will have to work.
I wish I knew how to explain all of this without sounding like a crybaby or that I’m blaming my abuser for everything. I really wish I could come across as someone who knew exactly what she was doing and knew exactly what she was talking about and had the answers for everything…not that I want to be a know-it-all either, but, you know…
Living in abuse takes a thought out strategy. It’s not good to be surprised and thrown off balance all the time. Could you turn your abuser into a lab rat?
I’ve got so much goin’ for me. And you’ve got so much goin’ for you! But when the person you love most in the world, that you think is your other half, that you’ve been told you can trust, that he will always be there for you…when that person that you’ve given your mind and body and soul to takes your mind and soul, crumples them up in a little ball, and throws it away like it doesn’t matter to him?… It’s hard to love him anymore.
Today, March 5, 2015, I reread this old post and saw it for what it was: I denied that I hurt because I lived n a horrible marriage with a horrible man who loved to turn my head around on me. He used me to distract myself from the shit he did. The shit he did was control, manipulate and abuse me and our boys.
Proverbs 6:16-19: Looking inward to find the source of my pain I once again miss the forest for the trees. If I had once thought about my husband as I looked at the list of what God hates, maybe I could have realized he abused me sooner.