Stephen Covey says to “live out of your imagination, not your history.” Depression, suicidal thoughts, hate, despair and hopelessness result when I live out of the mindset of my past. It’s as if he is abusing me all over again.
Your body’s initial drama-love hormones settle down eventually. However, the memory of that intoxicating love can cause you to stick by your partner’s side, to wait it out. You’re sure the abuse is a fluke (if you notice it as abuse). Meanwhile, the abuser’s nasty comments and behaviors kick in full force. You’re partly in disbelief but mostly angry and hurt. You fight back fire with fire. But eventually, the war against abuse takes it toll on you.
He knows what he is doing. There is no empathy for “fucking whores” & he redirects my pain to the business of being married. Insurance & meaningless emails.
Types of verbal abuse range from full on anger to forgetting on purpose. Even the silent treatment is a type of verbal abuse! Verbal abusers use several other sneaky tactics to abuse and control their victims, too. Recognizing the types of verbal abuse is the first step to overcoming its effects and regaining your mental health.
Telling me that my rape is the source of our problems is a diversion. It turns me away from whatever Will is doing and causes me to examine myself. By blaming my past for our current problems is also wrong. Will blames me for our problems without taking any responsibility for his behavior.
Changing a polite conversation into one that shocks and hurts you is a control tactic designed to disorient and confuse you. A confused person is easier to control than a clear-headed one.
And I remember that he paused, maybe only for half a second, but as if he realized how crazy this argument was. As if, in that half second, he came face to face with the realization that he was behaving erratically and irrationally.
I’ve got so much goin’ for me. And you’ve got so much goin’ for you! But when the person you love most in the world, that you think is your other half, that you’ve been told you can trust, that he will always be there for you…when that person that you’ve given your mind and body and soul to takes your mind and soul, crumples them up in a little ball, and throws it away like it doesn’t matter to him?… It’s hard to love him anymore.