One of the best strategies to combat abuse I ever had was talking with my angels. Oh, I haven’t mentioned that I talk to angels? They answer me, too. Their voices touch the back of my neck and seem to travel into the hind-portion of my brain until I hear them in my ears. Not through my ears, but in my ears. Mostly my angels encourage and comfort me, but sometimes I get a scolding.
When the conversations began, I didn’t know I was fighting against abuse. Turning to a higher power for comfort seemed natural, and doing so brought me a good measure of peace. Some people suggest that my angels are nothing more than my imagination speaking to me the sweet words I so long to hear. To them, I say simply, “I disagree.”
Besides, if it helps, believe it. Why not?
I do have “that little voice inside of me” just like everyone else. It is different. It is me. The angel’s voices are not me. I stopped mentioning this to shrinks. It scares them and they ask with wide eyes, “Do the voices tell you to do things?!” To which I must answer, “Yes, sometimes they’ll tell me to let go and let God or some such, but they remind me that I have free will and my choice is the final say-so.”
January 18, 1998
I am feeling pretty good. The doctor gave me some decongestants last week along with my birth control pills. Plus the sun has been out the past couple of days and we went to church today.
I can’t put my finger on why I feel better, just that I do. I mentioned feeling depressed to Will, but I didn’t tell him exactly how bad. He seemed annoyed with me because of it so I let it drop. But it felt good to be out of the house and going somewhere with him. Being out made me feel better and the depression seemed not to matter when we were talking.
Anyway, I do feel better. I’m a pretty good mom. I don’t think I’m the best, but I am trying to be better.
I am still tired a lot though.
I want to talk to my angels, but it is so draining. I don’t know – I need a good sleep, but to talk to them I have to have some peace, and I haven’t been able to make that lately. Well, let’s try it anyway -
[only a picture of a cup and a circle - no angel message]