March 28, 2009
Ever wonder when not to file a police report? One time you may not want to file is if you physically assault your abuser first.
But if you slap or hit the abuser and then s/he attacks you and leaves marks as proof, go to the hospital and file that report! If your abuser does more physical harm to you than your “attack” did to them, document and report the assault immediately.
Don’t give in to the abuser’s childish taunts of “You hit me first!”
Better than worrying about any of this is learning to control your emotions so your abuser can’t. If you can keep yourself from doing something wrong in the first place, then there will be no need to worry about who hit who first.
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Why Did I Make This Video?
I learned something from the department of social services (DSS) and wanted to share what they told me. I was really surprised how my honesty in the report could come back to haunt me.
I slapped my husband, then he pushed me over a table and held me down by my throat while yelling and screaming at me. In front of our children. I filed a police report.
The next day, I went to DSS about the abuse. DSS advised that I should NOT have filed that report because it could come back to bite me in court.
DSS said that because I struck him first, and I did not go to the hospital due to the injuries he inflicted on me, his attorney could say that I was not injured and that he acted in self-defense. OVER THE TOP self-defense, but it’s enough to put doubt in the judge’s mind.
If you go to court, you want a clear-cut case reflecting his verbal, emotional and physical abuse. Don’t muddy the waters because you lose control of your emotions like I did.
And don’t think to yourself that losing control of yourself is the same as when your abuser looks like they lose control. Read How Abusers Gain Control By Appearing to Lose It.