Shutting Up

Last year, I tapered off from this blog because I was afraid of what would come of it in court. Nothing came of it in court. This blog was either irrelevant or the battle didn’t get nasty enough for his attorney to use it. Or maybe there was nothing to be said about it. Will’s […]

Depression After Leaving Abusive Relationship: Spiraling

Depression today has the same purpose as it had during my abusive relationship: to dull the good, feel the bad, and then try to fix me. But I’m not broken. My brain chemistry is broken. Domestic violence and abuse broke my brain.

Dream World of Abuse in Relationships

I wrote this some time ago, before leaving my abuser: Poe wrote, “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” Perhaps his statement sheds light on why abuse is so difficult to describe, so difficult to recognize, end, and admit. Living in abuse, I know that nothing is real. Every […]

Anniversary Anxiety Related to Domestic Violence

February 1st last year was on Monday. Will and I had gone to court the Thursday before, and I had told the judge I agreed that he could see the boys. That first weekend, he wouldn’t take them because he hadn’t received his paperwork and was afraid that I would call the law on him […]

The Moonlight Dance

The subconscious dance I participated in with my ex steals my thoughts today. I want to look deep inside the belly of the beast inside myself and paint a true portrait of my abusive marriage with my own blood. I don’t want his blood – I cannot pretend to know what he was doing or […]

Share What You Know About Domestic Violence and Abuse

The interview I did with Gary Copeland as host is posted at Healthy Place Mental Health Radio Show and titled My Verbally Abusive Marriage. I’m not certain what to think about the interview. I was nervous for some reason, and think that I didn’t answer some of the questions succinctly. While thinking about my answers, […]

Leaving An Abusive Marriage – Why did it take me so long? interviewed me about leaving an abusive marriage yesterday. It is now almost a year after I left my abuser, but before our divorce is final. I have some issues with the interview, and I’m not certain I delivered my message as clearly as I wanted. I want to use this post to clear up a few reasons why leaving an abusive marriage is so difficult.

Last Year

At the end of last year, before the separation, I wrote this: Words that once had meaning make no sense. My brain is screaming, “LOSER!” while a piece of me patiently waits for a better time. Do I need to DO something to bring it about? ‘Cause all I want to do now is sleep […]

I Wish He Could Move Past the Past

This post is an excerpt from My Abusive Marriage: …and what happened when i left it by Kellie Jo Holly. Life goes on; some days are wonderful, some surprising, some plain sad. Sometimes I wish for the happy ending to my marriage that I’ll never have – “happy” in that we would die of old […]

Leaving But Not Yet Free

He and I have children together. I am connected to him for the rest of my life, through them. Although our vows to love, honor and cherish fell by the wayside, “for better or worse, ’til death do we part” holds strong. Some promises can’t be taken back. I wish I could say I was all right with […]