My Abusive Marriage - One Story of Abuse

I read my old journals to convince myself that I did not live a story of abuse. But one journal entry after another showed evidence of abuse in my marriage. The abuse made me emotionally and mentally sick too. I yelled and hardly recognized my disoriented eyes in the mirror. My ex-husband and I hurt our children by playing out the cycle of abuse, utilizing the power and control wheel without either of us knowing what was really going on. I share my private journal entries about the abuse in my marriage with you because recognizing abuse is the first step to freeing yourself from it.



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Rules for Our Abusive Relationships

RandomlyK (as she is known around here) posted a list of rules she must live by if she wants to keep the peace in her home. All of us have idiotic rules to follow when living in abuse because our abusers have idiotic thoughts. There is no pleasing some people. Perhaps we should start to […]

I Left Twice

Leaving my abusive marriage happened by surprise, but not unexpectedly. I knew I would leave, but I didn’t have it planned for when it happened.

Emergency Plan = Emotional Pain

The emergency plan I created wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t nearly “enough” – I wish I’d had a pre-packed bag, I wish I’d … it doesn’t matter.My two saving graces were my high-tech phone and my own bank log in information.

But if I had to do it over again, I would have pressed through the emotional pain of creating an emergency plan, a thorough emergency plan, before I had the need for it.

Thank You

For anyone out there who is in an abusive situation, it is time for you to reach out too. It is time to begin remembering that people love you, really love you. And if you can’t think of any, then it is time to find a domestic violence group, book club, a gym, an online board if you must, somewhere where you can be YOU and start to remember that you are important, that you matter.

Don’t Worry

I doubt it. You don’t know him like I do, so please stop trying to make me pretend that I know him like YOU do.

Please, don’t tell me not to worry.

The Army and Abuse

For the love of Pete, please, Army spouses, understand that you CAN report domestic abuse in your home WITHOUT your soldier losing his career! Army policy may require counseling, classes, and interviews, but your report WILL NOT ruin his career. Hell, the Army may mark your report as “unsubstantiated” like they did my first one, […]

When Is It Time to Leave the Threat of Violence? My Heart is Failing

The night I left my abusive marriage, I actually left twice. The first time I didn’t expect to stay gone forever. He physically assaulted when I returned. Leaving the second time, I didn’t return until the police removed him from the house.

No Surprise

So yesterday, Will and I argued. No surprise, so I won’t go into the whole thing, just the part about therapy for Marc (son) and for marriage counseling. Will disagrees with anyone going to therapy of any kind. He says that people who go to therapy are weak (at best), and that therapy is a […]

To Will's Family

I’ve recently made a mistake. In my haste to notify Will’s family that he was NOT involved in a tragedy while on deployment, I sent the email from my “work” account which has the address to this website in the signature line. For this, I sincerely apologize. It was never my intention to draw in […]

Even If

I’m probably going to live with a man who despises me and wants me to apologize for making a police report against him and then grovel at his feet and swear that I’ll never do it again, no matter what he does, because his career cannot handle another bullshit drama queen antic like the one I pulled last December.

He’s going to ambush me with mind games, withdraw sullenly then come out fighting, attempt to provoke me and drink like a fish so he can say he doesn’t remember any of it.