My Abusive Marriage - One Story of Abuse

I read my old journals to convince myself that I did not live a story of abuse. But one journal entry after another showed evidence of abuse in my marriage. The abuse made me emotionally and mentally sick too. I yelled and hardly recognized my disoriented eyes in the mirror. My ex-husband and I hurt our children by playing out the cycle of abuse, utilizing the power and control wheel without either of us knowing what was really going on. I share my private journal entries about the abuse in my marriage with you because recognizing abuse is the first step to freeing yourself from it.



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Liar Liar – I Can’t Pretend I’m Not Angry

I only wanted you to be nice to me. Treat me and our children with respect and civility. You can be who you are and still learn to be nice. You could have even looked at it as if you were playing a game with me, fooling me, manipulating me to believe good things about you – that may have been fun for you. But you wouldn’t try. You wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t tell the truth.

Rules for Our Abusive Relationships

RandomlyK (as she is known around here) posted a list of rules she must live by if she wants to keep the peace in her home. All of us have idiotic rules to follow when living in abuse because our abusers have idiotic thoughts. There is no pleasing some people. Perhaps we should start to […]

I Left Twice

Leaving my abusive marriage happened by surprise, but not unexpectedly. I knew I would leave, but I didn’t have it planned for when it happened.

Emergency Plan = Emotional Pain

The emergency plan I created wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t nearly “enough” – I wish I’d had a pre-packed bag, I wish I’d … it doesn’t matter.My two saving graces were my high-tech phone and my own bank log in information.

But if I had to do it over again, I would have pressed through the emotional pain of creating an emergency plan, a thorough emergency plan, before I had the need for it.

Thank You

For anyone out there who is in an abusive situation, it is time for you to reach out too. It is time to begin remembering that people love you, really love you. And if you can’t think of any, then it is time to find a domestic violence group, book club, a gym, an online board if you must, somewhere where you can be YOU and start to remember that you are important, that you matter.

Don’t Worry

I doubt it. You don’t know him like I do, so please stop trying to make me pretend that I know him like YOU do.

Please, don’t tell me not to worry.

The Army and Abuse

For the love of Pete, please, Army spouses, understand that you CAN report domestic abuse in your home WITHOUT your soldier losing his career! Army policy may require counseling, classes, and interviews, but your report WILL NOT ruin his career. Hell, the Army may mark your report as “unsubstantiated” like they did my first one, […]

My Heart is Failing

The night I left my abusive marriage, I actually left twice. The first time I didn’t expect to stay gone forever. He physically assaulted when I returned.

No Surprise

So yesterday, Will and I argued. No surprise, so I won’t go into the whole thing, just the part about therapy for Marc (son) and for marriage counseling. Will disagrees with anyone going to therapy of any kind. He says that people who go to therapy are weak (at best), and that therapy is a […]

To Will's Family

I’ve recently made a mistake. In my haste to notify Will’s family that he was NOT involved in a tragedy while on deployment, I sent the email from my “work” account which has the address to this website in the signature line. For this, I sincerely apologize. It was never my intention to draw in […]