I left my abusive marriage just like Susan, the author of the story below. Focusing on this part of her story is important because although staying in an abusive relationship isn’t easy, living after leaving one isn’t easy either. It’s wonderful to think that after leaving abuse life will go straight back to normal. But it […]
The effects of any type of abuse on your thinking is summed up in one word: BRAINWASHING. Don’t for one second believe that your abuser wasn’t smart enough to brainwash you. The ability to brainwash someone has nothing to do with smarts.
Hindsight shows me my mistakes in thinking. It shows me how my love for him blinded me. Maybe if you can see my hindsight before it happens to you, you’ll get OUT. I now understand that no choice he presented to me would end the abuse. I left the Army-abuse continued. Got pregnant-abuse continued. Doing as told=abuse.
Your body’s initial drama-love hormones settle down eventually. However, the memory of that intoxicating love can cause you to stick by your partner’s side, to wait it out. You’re sure the abuse is a fluke (if you notice it as abuse). Meanwhile, the abuser’s nasty comments and behaviors kick in full force. You’re partly in disbelief but mostly angry and hurt. You fight back fire with fire. But eventually, the war against abuse takes it toll on you.
Do you have these verbal abuse symptoms? If you are depressed, anxious, lonely or feel you do not know who you are anymore, or many other debilitating conditions both mental and physical, you might be a victim of verbal abuse and domestic abuse or violence.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that if Will wanted to lash out at me, it did not matter what I said or did or how I said or did it. The purpose of yelling at me, accusing me of lying, telling me I was a horrid mother, insisting I was cheating and all the rest was to keep me off balance. To keep me confused. To keep me explaining myself to him so he did not have to explain himself to me.
I’ve never been to war. I’ve never been raped at knife-point or fought for my life from strangers. But I did live with an unpredictable, angry and abusive man for over 17 years. And that is way more than enough time to develop hyper-anxiety, difficulty concentrating, experiencing overwhelming guilt or shame, and any other PTSD symptom.
Our family is and was dysfunctional as they grew up. The effects of Will’s and my behaviors affected them greatly but in very different ways. However, they are not children anymore and I want to give them more privacy than I did when they were “my babies” and minors growing up in abuse.
Anyone experiencing repeated traumas as with domestic abuse can be triggered unexpectedly. Even so, identifying triggers leads us to better mental health because once we identify the triggers, we can stop them from hurting us.
I’m doing it again. I’m losing my mind in match-3 computer games that let me ignore unpleasant thoughts. I tried believing that playing those games relaxes my brain and that matching colored balls on Bubble Witch qualifies as a healthy, mindful activity. In reality, the games help me keep nothing on my mind. In thinking’s absence, I can avoid asking questions […]