We easily misinterpret commitment red flags as a feeling of finding our soul-mate. Love at first sight is easy to believe in when the person who swears they love you within days of meeting you seems so perfect for you.
Everything you believe, they believe. They understand your past, the want to support you as you strive for your goals. They use the same phrases you use and can complete your sentences.
Whenever a person falls head over heels in love with you, it is easy to want to feel the same way about them. Who do you know who does not want to find someone who understands them and loves them despite any flaws? Who would turn down the love of a soul-mate?
The problem with finding your soul-mate is that abusive predators know exactly how to disguise themselves as your perfect love. Expert observers easily blend in with groups of people dissimilar to themselves; an abusive predator easily blends with you because he or she expertly observes you. Initially, there is no way to tell whether a person is a predator or the soul-mate you’ve waited for all these years.
Commitment red flags can help you determine if your new love is a soul-mate or a predator. The commitment red flags related to abuse discussed in this video has to do with moving too fast for your comfort or feeling pressured by your partner to become one before you have had time to see them as they truly are instead of how they represent themselves to you.
Transcript for Commitment Red Flags Video
Hello, my name is Kellie Jo Holly, and I’d like to share with you some abusers’ opening moves. What I mean by that is at the beginning of a relationship, there are some red flags that you should pay attention to.
The first one is that abusive people often rush a commitment. What I mean by that is they meet you, they take you out on a date and they’re calling you the next day for a date the second night. Right away.
They want to have sex very early. They may label you as their boyfriend or their girlfriend within days of meeting you. The person may introduce you to their children or their parents or other important people in their lives very early in the relationship.
I keep saying “very early” and what this means is if you feel uncomfortable being thrust into any of these situations, then you need to pay attention to what you are feeling. You are the one who judges whether this happens too quickly or not.
Be very careful about someone who tells you “I love you” within a short time frame. Love is a very powerful emotion and it takes time to develop thoroughly. You know how long its taken you to fall in love with somebody, to really love them for who they are. And you don’t say that on the first date, you don’t say that [pick your time frame].
You decide when it is okay to say, “I love you.” You decide when it is okay to believe it when someone says it to you.
A new partner rushing you to a commitment is one of the first things to watch out for when beginning a relationship. If someone pushes you faster than is comfortable, then they could turn out to be your abuser.