Abuse Is Never Love But I Wanted It to Be

What I didn’t understand at the time was that if Will wanted to lash out at me, it did not matter what I said or did or how I said or did it. The purpose of yelling at me, accusing me of lying, telling me I was a horrid mother, insisting I was cheating and all the rest was to keep me off balance. To keep me confused. To keep me explaining myself to him so he did not have to explain himself to me.

PTSD Is Not An Excuse to Hurt Your Family

I’ve never been to war. I’ve never been raped at knife-point or fought for my life from strangers. But I did live with an unpredictable, angry and abusive man for over 17 years. And that is way more than enough time to develop hyper-anxiety, difficulty concentrating, experiencing overwhelming guilt or shame, and any other PTSD symptom.

The Day It Started

Red Door Productions introduces #TheDayItStarted as a prompt for abuse victims to tell about their earliest memory of domestic abuse.

Triggered And Angry – Healing from Domestic Abuse

Anyone experiencing repeated traumas as with domestic abuse can be triggered unexpectedly. Even so, identifying triggers leads us to better mental health because once we identify the triggers, we can stop them from hurting us.

Nothing on My Mind – Memories of Abuse

I’m doing it again. I’m losing my mind in match-3 computer games that let me ignore unpleasant thoughts. I tried believing that playing those games relaxes my brain and that matching colored balls on Bubble Witch qualifies as a healthy, mindful activity. In reality, the games help me keep nothing on my mind. In thinking’s absence,  I can avoid asking questions […]

Vulnerability

I feel that anyone could lethally wound me with a glance. I feel exposed to many elements of my mind; exposed and in danger, not exposed and protected. My fiance, Jarimie, wants to protect me when I feel vulnerable. But how can he protect me from myself? From my thoughts and fears? He cannot do […]

Today Is Better Than Dreadful Thanks to Intuition

Fortunately, today is a better day thanks to the helpful people I found while following my intuition. I know, beyond a doubt, that I am capable of surviving without a car, without a home, without a job and without a shower. The intuition I used to build the support network I needed to leave my ex-husband proved its flexibility to get me off the street and into an apartment. Into a job. I survived.

The Homeless Chapter

I don’t know much. At least I know I don’t know much. Life takes twists and turns that seemed impossible only days before. Now, more than any other time in my life, I am uncertain what tomorrow brings. Over the past year and a half I’ve lived with my sister, my grandmother, my fiance and […]

Why Does Gender Bias Exist When Talking About Domestic Abuse?

Gender bias in articles about domestic violence and abuse is common. What has to happen to get rid of gender bias in domestic violence and abuse conversations? See this.

After Leaving Abuse: Dealing with Fear for Your Safety

Previous Post – Leaving Abuse: Before You Leave Emotions To Deal With After Leaving Your Abuser Immediately after leaving your abusive relationship, you tend to feel some conflicting emotions in no certain order: joy, pride, fear, and great sadness. I remember feeling them all at once sometimes in the days and weeks after separating from […]

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