I Left My Abusive Marriage: Why Am I Still In A Mental Fog?

I left my abusive marriage, but the mental fog left with me. Find out what happened to me after leaving abuse, and why it's still worth it. Read this.I left my abusive marriage just like Susan, the author of the story below. Focusing on this part of her story is important because although staying in an abusive relationship isn’t easy, living after leaving one isn’t easy either. It’s wonderful to think that after leaving abuse life will go straight back to normal. But it doesn’t. I left my abusive marriage with as much inner turmoil as during it. Susan explains it well. This is her story.

I Left My Abusive Marriage When I Doubted Myself

Before I left my abusive marriage, when I was in the midst of the verbal and emotional abuse, my mind was in a mental fog, and at times I couldn’t even think straight to know what was real or true anymore. If I heard someone else say that her spouse called her a bitch or something, it sounded terrible! My advice to her would be to get out or get help (see Safety Planning for Domestic Violence and Abuse Victims).

But, when it was happening to me, I felt I was brainwashed or manipulated to believe it was my fault. Or that it wasn’t really happening and couldn’t see reality. I doubted myself so much!

I stayed for a long time, but I left my abusive marriage too. I’m writing to be true to what abuse has done to me (Effects Verbal Abuse Had On My Life: Losing Me). I am having a really hard time now with the healing process.

The Mental Fog Remains After I Left My Abusive Marriage

I left my abusive marriage and my head is still in this mental fog. I know I should never call or contact him again. For the first time, instead of trying to have the last word, maybe my last word should be silence. Maybe “Silence” will say more than any word could ever say to him. He will know that I feel differently because being silent is not me (How To Argue With An Abusive Spouse And Win).

I question myself about why I tolerated domestic abuse. I don’t understand why there is still a part of me that wants to CHANGE that man. But it looks like the person I need to CHANGE is myself. To do that, I must get away from that man. If he wants to change himself then let him, he is not my responsibility.

I need myself back. I need my spirit back. I need to question why I would have tolerated this. It is fine to forgive a person but forgiving doesn’t mean you have to tolerate abuse. I am proud that I finally left my abusive marriage, but I feel weak.

I ask God to keep me strong and give me healing and direction. I would appreciate your prayers. I know that some of the verbal abuse examples that I gave in Verbal Abuse Examples: A List From A Survivor were pretty graphic and blunt and I hope I didn’t offend anyone, but it is what it is and sometimes the TRUTH needs to be told.

I thank you for reading. Bless you.

Susan’s Other Posts

Susan’s Story of Abuse

Verbal Abuse Examples: A List From A Survivor

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About Kellie Jo Holly

Kellie Jo Holly passionately advocates against domestic violence through her writing and mentoring service. She loves helping women cope with abuse while in the relationship and supporting them as they leave the relationship and begin to heal. You can also find Kellie on Google+, Facebook and Twitter. You can buy her books from Amazon.

Comments

  1. Michelle says:

    “But it looks like the person I need to CHANGE is myself. To do that, I must get away from that man. If he wants to change himself then let him, he is not my responsibility.” Bingo.
    You woke up and You left! That is the beginning of your journey- time to focus on you now. It really isn’t about him, it’s about what that experience did to show you what parts of you need to be addressed. It does get better the more you learn about yourself and let go. Takes time. Be kind to yourself, where you are today is so much better than yesterday- you are blessed!

  2. deanne says:

    I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship that I finally ended. I have come to hate the person I have become. I am unfeeling, lack empathy, have become rude, untrusting and impatient I am very angry and controlling when I have to deal with him regarding our son. I am trying to fight having the last word but my sensitivities are high. I feel I am the controller now…at least inside. The only thing that I see of my old self is how I am with my son. He makes me want to get better everyday.

    • Wow..your situation sounds like my own. Thank you for sharing. It helps to not feel so alone. Like I am the only one facing this problem. I know i have become a monster and must leave far away to detox myself and become whole again for my son.

  3. Janet Ramler says:

    Barbara says… our divorce has been final for 3 years. He contacts me occasionally through email or text and badgers me about what it says in the decree. He interprets it as he wishes. Currently it is over insurance for our son… and he claims the decree states it is a shared expense. That is NOT what it says at all.
    Once an abuser…always an abuser. I am still his target. I recognize that he is trying to engage me in his inner turmoil. I would love an idea for what to email him back.

  4. YelloDaisy says:

    I appreciate you sharing your story. I am ending a ten year relationship and five year marriage and I feel horrible. I was emotionally and verbally abused for years but couldn’t leave, it wasn’t until the stress manifested outwardly on my skin that I had enough. So thank you for the encouragement. I am certain God will bless you and you will get better. I hope the same for myself.

    • Anonymous says:

      I suddenly don’t feel so alone in all this after reading all these blogs. I’ve gone through 10 years and I have reached the point of ‘enough’ and struggling with how to escape. I too have skin stresses, aches and pains all over my body and constantly cry. I’m putting in place my escape. Thank you all for sharing – it helps others out there who feel alone.

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