I have a friend who is as controlling as my ex, but in a different way. She comes to my new place calls my kid’s toys & clothing junk. She makes judgement calls on my other friends insisting that they are holding me back, but she is the one who won’t let me move forward! I feel obligated to her because she supported me during my abusive relationship.
How do I keep her friendship while loosening her control, or how do I end the friendship without it getting ugly?
No one knows what might cause your “break-up” to get ugly, so I can’t give you a definite answer on how to do this. When I’ve left friendships behind, I’ve done it slow and gradual, but your friend may not take a hint! Controlling people tend to ignore hints and suggestions.
Have you straight up told her how you feel? If your gut tells you that she would be open to a discussion in which you ask her to stop saying mean things about you and your other friends, then talk.
If she is unwilling to change her ways, then you can tell her that the friendship is over because you need space that she isn’t able to give you. Stop taking her calls, do not let her inside your home, and remove her from your social networks.
If you do not feel like talking to her or if you feel she would be “ugly” after telling her your thoughts, then begin withdrawing from her. Stop taking her calls, do not let her inside your home, and remove her from your social networks. Same advice only without the talk-then-she-ignores-you part.
It is a sad fact, but some abusive people “help” victims out of their current abusive relationships so the “helper” can gain a new victim. Anyone leaving an abusive relationship must watch out for these “knights in shining armor” that seem too good to be true. The “helpers” can be male or female and of the friend or lover sort. Trust your gut on this one. Leave her behind as you left your ex if you think its best for you.
You get to choose who your friends are!