Anniversary Anxiety Related to Domestic Violence

pepper sprayFebruary 1st last year was on Monday. Will and I had gone to court the Thursday before, and I had told the judge I agreed that he could see the boys. That first weekend, he wouldn’t take them because he hadn’t received his paperwork and was afraid that I would call the law on him after he picked up the boys.

His thinking didn’t make any sense to me, but whatever. I was left to tell the boys that they wouldn’t see their father that weekend because of paperwork.

Life was hell for me at that time. I was scared that Will would come back. I bought pepper spray and changed all the locks on the house. I didn’t know what he was capable of doing. He told me that I betrayed him – the worst offense he could imagine.

Let’s think about that for a moment. I betrayed him.

In therapy three days before he put his hands on me, I’d flat out told him that if it happened again, I would press charges. Seemed pretty clear to me when I said it. There must have been a gap in our communication.

I was scared that Will would come back. I bought pepper spray and changed all the locks on the house. I didn't know what he was capable of doing.Nevertheless, this time last year I was in deep mourning. I cried almost always. The boys probably thought I was losing it. I thought I was going to die. I didn’t see a future to be happy about.

Now, a year later, I am feeling residual effects of that week. I am anxious and nervous. I am tearful and scared. But I know why.

It will pass, but I hope you’ll say a little prayer for me. I’ve got things to do, and I’m not about to let these anniversary anxieties overcome me. But it’s hard. Like last year, I’ll post a little here and there to remind myself that I am going to be all right.

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About Kellie Jo Holly

Kellie Jo Holly passionately advocates against domestic violence through her writing and mentoring service. She loves helping women cope with abuse while in the relationship and supporting them as they leave the relationship and begin to heal. You can also find Kellie on Google+, Facebook and Twitter. You can buy her books from Amazon.

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